Being asked to give a eulogy is both an honour and a heavy responsibility. You are grieving, yet the family has trusted you to stand before everyone and put a life into words. It can feel overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be.
These 7 tips will guide you from the first blank page to the moment you step away from the podium.
When family members find the courage to speak themselves, it moves a room far more than any polished professional reading ever could. You do not need to prove anything or live up to anyone. Focus on the person you are saying goodbye to. The rest will carry itself.
Claire Fairchild
Tip 1: Accept That Perfection Isn't the Goal
The most important thing to understand before you begin: nobody expects a flawless speech. They expect you to speak from the heart. If your voice wavers or you lose your place, that is not failure. It is proof of how much you cared.
The people gathered are not critics. They are mourners who will be grateful you found the courage to stand up and speak when it mattered most.
Tip 2: Collect Memories Before You Start Writing
Resist the urge to sit down and write a polished eulogy immediately. Instead, spend some time gathering raw material. Think about what made this person unique. What stories does the family always retell? What would you want people to know about them?
How to do it: Open the notes app on your phone or grab a pen and paper. Write down every memory, quality, and anecdote that comes to mind, in any order. Talk to other family members and close friends. They will often share moments you had forgotten or never knew about.
Tip 3: Build Around a Simple Structure
A eulogy without structure tends to wander, leaving the audience unsure where it is heading. A clear framework keeps both you and your listeners grounded.
A structure that works well:
- Opening: Introduce yourself briefly and explain your connection to the deceased
- Who they were: Share the qualities, values, and passions that defined them
- Stories: Include 1 to 3 specific anecdotes that bring their character to life
- Their impact: Describe how they shaped your life and the lives of others
- Closing: End with a personal farewell, a meaningful quote, or a word of thanks
Tip 4: Focus on Character, Not Just Chronology
A list of dates, jobs, and accomplishments reads like a biography, not a eulogy. What people remember and connect with are the human details, the small things that made someone irreplaceable.
For example: Instead of saying "She was a wonderful grandmother," describe how she always kept a tin of butter tarts ready for when the grandchildren visited. Instead of "He loved hockey," tell the story about the time he drove through a snowstorm to make it to his grandson's playoff game.
A touch of humour is not only acceptable at a funeral, it is often exactly what the room needs. Laughter through tears is one of the most healing things a eulogy can offer.
Tip 5: Let a Speech Generator Help You Get Started
Grief makes it incredibly hard to organize your thoughts, let alone write a coherent speech. Staring at a blank page while you are emotionally exhausted can feel impossible.
A speech generator removes that barrier. You answer a series of questions about the person, your relationship, and the memories you shared. Within minutes, you have a complete, compassionate eulogy that you can edit, personalize, and make entirely your own.
Think of it as a starting point, not a replacement. It gives you a solid draft so you can focus your energy on adding the personal touches that only you can provide.
Tip 6: Keep It Concise
A eulogy should last 3 to 7 minutes. That is roughly 500 to 1,000 words. It is enough time to share meaningful stories and express genuine emotion without draining an audience that is already emotionally fragile.
Test it: Read your eulogy aloud and time it. If it runs longer than 7 minutes, look for sections you can trim. Often the strongest eulogies are the ones that say a great deal in very few words.
A few honest, carefully chosen words will always be more powerful than a lengthy address that tries to cover everything.
Tip 7: Prepare for the Delivery
The emotional weight of delivering a eulogy is real. These practical steps will help you get through it:
- Rehearse aloud: Read through the eulogy at least twice before the service. You will discover which passages trigger the strongest emotions, so you can prepare for them
- Print it in large font: Use at least 14-point type. If tears blur your vision, you will still be able to read
- Pace yourself: Speak slowly. Pauses are not awkward. They give everyone in the room space to breathe and reflect
- Bring water: A glass or bottle of water gives you a natural reason to pause and collect yourself
- Arrange a backup: Ask someone you trust to step in if you find you cannot continue. Simply knowing they are there will make you calmer
- Let yourself feel: If you cry, let it happen. Pause, breathe, and continue when you are ready. Nobody will rush you
Final Thoughts
Giving a eulogy is one of the most meaningful things you can do for someone you have lost. You do not need to be a polished public speaker. You just need to be honest. Gather your memories, find a structure, keep it focused, and practise. If the blank page feels overwhelming, a speech generator can give you the foundation you need.
Everyone in that room will be grateful you stood up and spoke from the heart.